?

Log in

Mon, Feb. 7th, 2005, 10:45 pm

Mel and I are going to move out at the end of the lease in Sept. She's going to move to Carson City to be with her best friend and be closer to her potential new boyfriend. I will move in with Robby if he can get a job. Tomorrow I'll find out if he'll be getting a job with me at ServiceMaster, also known as SlaveMaster.

Apparently Mel has bestowed upon me a number of prestigious "Best of Boyfriends" (copyright pending) awards. I received, "Smartest Boyfriend". A very honorable award, and I was the frontrunner going into ballot season I might add. I also received the vaunted "One of the hottest" award. Obviously I'm disappointed not to be the undisputed champ. That having been said this came as a total shock as I do not believe my assets in this area to be of note. One more award was later lavished upon myself. I'm not sure if I'm currently at liberty to discuss the subject of said award.

I will say that it made me feel utterly bashful, and strange. I have always perceived myself as unattractive, it is bizarre to come across these strange people who disagree with me. Anyway, that whole thing made me feel better. I hate myself for not being perfect in relationships. It eats away at me, until I can no longer type on lj.

Relationships are so exhausting mentally. You don't even realize it. Now that I'm not with Mel my relationship with Robby has redeveloped. I have been doing things with other people, which is more than likely healthy. I'm still left with an emptiness though. You'd think that after facing the same problem over, and over, and over and over, I'd have worked out some sort of solution. I guess my best attempt at a solution is to wait a heinous amount of time after my last relationship, and then bumble into another one. Wash, rinse and repeat. And then during said waiting time listen to overtly depressing music, like this fine piece of verbiage. The sad part is, this accurately describes every meaningful relationship I've been in.

I live a life that's sheltered
I’m constantly alone
I’m pointing out my weakness
There’s an emptiness at home

I need to find a reason
To live this way
I’m running out of patience
And my life is over

I’m standing here
But I’m on my way
Searching to find an answer
I’m standing here
But it’s all the same
And I’m running out of patience

I've obtained my reason
For you
And I have gained a reason
For you

But you left me
You left me here
And I’m all alone

I've been stripped of my innocence
I take pity in myself
A certain chain of events
That have left me in this hell

I need to find a reason
To live this way
I’m running out of patience
And my life is over

I’m standing here
But I’m on my way
Searching to find an answer
I’m standing here
But it’s all the same
And I’m running out of patience

I've obntained my reason
For you
And I have gained a reason
For you

But you left me
You left me here
And I’m all alone
I’m all alone
I’m all alone
I’m all alone
I’m all alone

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Well I’m searching
To find my reason
To find a reason
To find my reason
Why I need you
And I need you
And I want you
But I need to
Get away from you
And I need you
And I want you
But I need to
Get away from you
And I need you
And I want you
But I need to
Get away from you
And I need you
And I want you
But I need to
Get away from you

And I will take my reason
From you
And I needed someone to love me
But you just left me
Here and I’m lonely
You know I needed
Someone to love me
But I’m all alone

Thu, Feb. 10th, 2005 10:43 am (UTC)
drunken_skunk

Chris...i didn't say I was for sure moving.
And it's not for that doug guy either.
i already told you about that.
quit thinking those things up because they're false.
god damnit, kid.